Day 2

My husband and I have started trying to get pregnant. We have been married for over two years and have been planning for this date for the past 6 months. We were originally going to wait until he graduated in December. But the timing is better for us now.

I have been patiently waiting for this day for over two years. When we were engaged we both agreed that we would wait until we were married at least three years and then we would talk about children. But soon after we were married, something hit me. I wanted to be a mother soon. I convinced myself that I was just bored because it was summer and once another semester of college started, I would be okay. But the feeling did not go away. I graduated and now my husband is almost graduated and we are both in the same mindset about children. I must admit that I probably convinced him to move up the timeline, but he is excited.

Last night was our first time without contraception. Right before my husband said he was scared.

“Your scared of sex?” I asked him. But I was feeling the same way. While I am certain this is the path we want to be on, and I have been planning it for the last 6 months, nothing could prepare me for the feelings I have. I am scared out of my mind.

Although I am scared, I am ready to start this next chapter of my life. I am ready for the joys and the pains that come with being a parent. I have heard parents say that there is no pain like the pain that comes with having children, but you haven’t love anyone like you love that child.

I am ready for a little baby hand to wrap around my finger. I am ready for a child’s face to light up because she recognizes me. I am ready to have a little thing so dependent on me. I am ready to feel a little person growing inside me. I am ready to watch as her personality develops and to see the person she grows up to be.

I wanted to keep a record of the journey that my husband and I will have. Maybe I am pregnant right now. Maybe it will take a few months. But be there with me as we take our first steps into the joys (and pains) of parenthood.