Cycle 5, Day 2

Here we are on try 5. I didn't think I would get pregnant the first month, but I thought at least by month 3. Now we are on month 5. For some reason, I also thought it would happen this month, but it didn't.

What am I going to do differently this month? Try not to be so stressed, but my husband and I are both trying to find new jobs. I am going to buy an ovulation test. I haven't bought one yet because I was always sure I knew when I was ovulating. But I am not taking any risks. And my husband is going to be sick of me when the next two weeks are over.

But here we go. Wish me luck.

Another One Bites the Dust

**I wrote this two weeks ago. Since then another couple has announced they are pregnant, and due around the same time.

I can count 5 couples I know who have announced they are pregnant since Thanksgiving. I found out about the last one this morning and I just broke down. All of these ladies are due around the same time I would be due if I had gotten pregnant the first month of trying.

I started out very optimistic at the beginning. The first two months I broke down and cried. Last month, I decided that I wasn’t going to put my self through that all again so I stopped worrying about it so much. I planned the dates and then decided to see what happened. Time went by faster and I was more calm. Then nothing.

This month I am a wreck. Mostly today. I think it is because I know that I shouldn’t feel this way. I know that I will get pregnant or have a baby some other way when the time is right. And the time must not be right now.

I am also trying to remind myself that I am not defined by the fact I haven’t got pregnant yet. I am a wife, sister and daughter. I am a crafter and cook. I am training for a 5k. I am a fabulous employee and have integrity. I am a college graduate and future teacher. And I am a future mother. Because all this time I have to wait until I am pregnant, I can better myself so I can raise better children.

I really am excited for all the people I know who will welcome those little babies into their home in 6 months. I pray that they have no complications and their babies will be healthy. But I also pray everyday that God will let me be the one thing I am not yet.