Another One Bites the Dust

**I wrote this two weeks ago. Since then another couple has announced they are pregnant, and due around the same time.

I can count 5 couples I know who have announced they are pregnant since Thanksgiving. I found out about the last one this morning and I just broke down. All of these ladies are due around the same time I would be due if I had gotten pregnant the first month of trying.

I started out very optimistic at the beginning. The first two months I broke down and cried. Last month, I decided that I wasn’t going to put my self through that all again so I stopped worrying about it so much. I planned the dates and then decided to see what happened. Time went by faster and I was more calm. Then nothing.

This month I am a wreck. Mostly today. I think it is because I know that I shouldn’t feel this way. I know that I will get pregnant or have a baby some other way when the time is right. And the time must not be right now.

I am also trying to remind myself that I am not defined by the fact I haven’t got pregnant yet. I am a wife, sister and daughter. I am a crafter and cook. I am training for a 5k. I am a fabulous employee and have integrity. I am a college graduate and future teacher. And I am a future mother. Because all this time I have to wait until I am pregnant, I can better myself so I can raise better children.

I really am excited for all the people I know who will welcome those little babies into their home in 6 months. I pray that they have no complications and their babies will be healthy. But I also pray everyday that God will let me be the one thing I am not yet.